Almost two years ago now I read a book, by Brennan Manning (shocker), and in a question he asked to craft a picture of "the rest of you." The "you" that not everyone sees. This is what I wrote.
This is, of course, a terrifying question to answer; what is the "me" people don't see? Manning is right, in that it is perplex and full of contradictions. I learn a new paradox about myself almost daily.
So what is the "Rest of Carli?".
She is complex, sometimes prideful but compassionate, and for no good reason fearful of many things.
She tries consistently to do the right thing, but doesn't always have the wisdom to know the right thing, so feels as though she has failed.
The rest of Carli has seen much at her age and feels far past her years. She struggles with waiting and wants to physically grow into her spiritual years.
The rest of Carli needs to learn how to be corrected, and how to love fully.
The rest of Carli wants to have a deep and intimate relationship with the Divine, but is often to lazy to put any effort into it.
The rest of Carli is full of adjective good and bad:
loving, but demands much of love
bright and outgoing yet shy and quiet
brave yet fearful
free spirited but chained to conformation
patient but can lose her temper when it counts
forgiving but can hold on to things
honest, but can play games
giving and generous but selfish
whole yet broken
strong yet can fall apart in a moments notice
trusting yet jealous and suspicious
confident yet fragile
vulnerable but can put up many walls
sweet but feisty.
They all contradict yet they are all me.
At the root of the rest of me lies a good heart, one that had been beaten, bruised, shattered and scarred, but beat whole and with love.
This is not all of me yet, I have much more to discover; more perplexities and wonders. I will take a look at them as they come and accept them for what they are and what they make; Carli.
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| This is also me (in my dream world). |
We all have things we have to die to! We are on a road from bondage to deliverance, and God is always asking us to die to the flesh. If He asks us to die to fear, we die, die to playing games, good bye games, die to selfishness, death! Die to wrong thinking, so long! We are all working our way down that road, it's not easy, it takes humility and disipline, but it's a beautiful thing when deliverance comes, and the power in God that follows.
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