Beginning

1 Peter

It is a new experience for me to become uprooted. It has been an adjustment getting settled into a new city surrounded by new people; although, there are some security blankets here in Ottawa as a safety net, I still have found it challenging. I have loved my school experience so far- I feel so confident in the decision I made to come to Algonquin and go into the Developmental Service Worker program. I feel this will bring me to exactly where I want to be. This became clear to me when I was a week or so into my program and I was reading my Bible one night. I turned to 1 Peter 4:10

     “ Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.”

 I almost started to weep when I read this because it resonated with me so deeply. I have had this urge to serve knowing that it was a calling on my life to leave my comfort zone for the benefit of others. The examples that inspire me are those that get on their hands and knees and work in humility and grace. Philip Yancey talks about serving as a self-preservation tool, which I have often repeated, knowing I need those I serve and the act of serving as much as the needy need me. Henri Nouwen said he never learned more about himself as a beloved child of God then when he was amongst the innocent loving people of L’arche, a community for the disabled, societies “broken.” I often feel I will never be satisfied or feel whole if I do not immerse myself with the ones Jesus did; those broken and weak sinners; the honest. I am afraid for my own well-being if I do not emerge into a place where these people are evident and crying for help. I need that constant reminder of my own brokenness and “child-like” stature…that I am in just as much desperate need of Abba love.

This could take form in a community like the one Nouwen gained his intimacy from during his life of celibacy or for Brennan Manning the name was Paul Sheldon. The human touch that pushes you into the Father’s embrace; those human faces of Jesus. The ones to sweep you up in brokenness, rejoice with you in times of joy, and love you unconditionally through it all. I will always remember the name Paul Sheldon. I strive to be him and have him in my life. He is full of complete love, utmost faith, and overflowing grace. He embraced his shattered friend in a time when he was so low and felt so worthless that he had pushed every soul away- a place so abandoned and feeling so far from love. In this time Sheldon gave his friend an overwhelming love words lack to describe. He allowed no boundaries to withhold his love. Manning says “Paul Sheldon was the face of Jesus Christ in my life.” If I could attain the same beauty and grace and be that face of love to even one person my life would be worth fighting the mundane to break through the barriers Sheldon and Jesus never let get in the way.

   The truth is no one is beyond grace and everyone has a beautiful soul waiting to be released. No one is immune to God’s touch.

    There was a specific little girl I worked with that brought me to a place where I finally made my decision on the DSW program, I had overheard someone say that she was “messed for good” and it broke my heart in a million pieces. In that moment I thought “She deserves as much a fighting chance as anyone.” and one night as I was journaling I thought about her and talked to the Divine:        

“ God I know you come to her saying ‘Child, don’t cry, I am your 


Father, I love you, I created you as you are and see you as beautiful


 and perfect.-  you can meet me at where I am despite depression,


 delays, abuse, pain, anger and sickness- I will stock you until you


 call me your own as I call you My own, until you will receive the


 truths I am telling you, and until I can make you the whole little


 daughter of Mine that you were intended to be.’”

            After this experience it was hard to understand why… why God would let an already broken angel to endure so much more pain, or why a creation of his could be capable of hurting and abusing someone so badly and how he could love these two the same. But I want to get to a place where I can see his vision clearer and I can lay the initial seeds for a seen need. I am viewing school as the first step in getting there. I have realized I love doing God’s work and I want that work to belong to him.

There are so many different faces of Jesus and it is shown in the verse in 1 Peter when it says show God’s grace “in its various forms.” I see God in people constantly; I see God in the people I will be working with. In all these people I see God in so many varieties and forms. It is so easy to put God into a box, but we can’t or we’ll miss out on some of the most beautiful and interesting perspectives of the Almighty.   

I am excited to be here in Ottawa as a first step in a life I hope to carry out “God’s grace in its various forms.”