I have a yearning; a holy yearning, an organic yearning, a yearning not of this world within me.
The yearning, the desire is almost solely what tells me I am more than just alive, I am eternal. There is redemption on the other side.
Peace darling Carli. The Divine says to me.
"Poor dear, my poor poor baby." as Barbara Brown says.
"There is something perfectly holy and complete out there waiting for you." It still whispers.
Maybe the whole point of this is to believe in that redemption. Or maybe the whole point is prepare for that redemption. Or maybe the whole point is just to know of that redemption.
Whatever it is- my desire for a deeper love- a holy love- is still met with something.
My heart burns and then my heart sings a song asking for something to manifest itself to me.
As I have learned the holiest of things are the things that have no name. That cannot be talked about. That are not nothing but something. Just some thing. Some thing that is out there somewhere. An energy as much as a reality. Something out there and something within me. But it is there. Hope becomes manifested into a tangible thing. Just some thing.
The things that are within me; The desires, sufferings, yearnings, hopes and loves as much a reality as the chair in front me. The senses that perceive the chair are as elusive as the desire to be uneqivically loved. I chose to believe in the elusive, the unexplained, the felt, the untouchable, the unperceived as well as the perceived. It is all there and not there. It is all in the wilderness and all in my spirit. This moment proves all moments. This breath all breaths. The mountain proves a Divine. Sex proves a maker. Bread proves a saviour. Love proves a spirit. My understanding of these things proves there is something out there connecting to that understanding. To me.
I am beginning to realize you cannot name this energy. You cannot call out to the sacred with a name. You cannot tame the sacred or make him/her what you want of it.
Language is too small. Too concrete. Our calling the Divine one thing or the next thing will not make him/her that. Language only changes our perceptions; not who He/She is. Sit in the elusive for a while with no words or language. No theology or ideas. Feel what you cannot think. Believe in the things that are made of "some thing" but not tangible. Escape humanity, not able to fully understand, but able to try. Use humanity, find the holy in a sunset, in digging in the dirt or in making supper. Expand yourself in an attempt to meet the sacred. Grow in an attempt to understand the Divines bigness, wildness, deepness. Get over yourself and go within yourself to see more of Yahweh.
I wonder what the dark cloud above Moses would say to our desire to put the sacred in a box. What it would say to us announcing what the Divine is for and against and of making those things into religions of exclusion and safety? What would that dark cloud say to our violence when we set our sites on the specifics and kill those that disagree? I know what Jesus would say. He would point to a different kingdom. A kingdom unexplained. An elusive kingdom that is here and there and within. He would talk about the lilies of the field and the poor. He would point to that dark cloud.
"Aslan is not a tame lion."
We won't ever be fully enlightened to the sacred's vastness, but we will grow. Growing is essential to humanity. Humanity is essential to meeting the Divine and taking moments away from humanity is essential to meeting the Divine. Continue this and continue to grow.
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