Acceptance.

I have another story to post after this, but I thought I would share a few photo's!
I love collecting these stories because I feel it is so important for me to be an advocate for people who have disabilities. There is a whole generation who is scared and confused by those with developmental disabilities because until recently most people who had a disability were institutionalization and weren't a part of our society. It was but a few years ago Rideau Regional closed down. We read about injustices in past History and are disgusted. Our stomachs turn when we think about the way our ancestors treated the aboriginals, or what the Nazi's and Hitler did to Jewish people; yet, we don't realize our generation is a part of a huge injustice that is still occurring. We may have finally got rid of institutions which mistreated the people living within so terribly, but we still have so far to go as far as changing the attitude's of those around.

I see this when I take out the little girl I support to the mall, or even last night as me and Geoff went to a concert. People just don't understand that there is SO much value to that person they look at with confusion or disgust. People with disabilities have desires and dreams; they want acceptance and love as much as anyone else, but we want them to fit into the mold we have created as a society...the "norm". We won't accept someone who yells out or rocks back and forth because that isn't "normal."  Does the problem lie in them or with us?

If I could have anything it would be to see the world accept; accept those that are different without them having to change or fit in the model we have designed in the first place. Because most people were created one way that doesn't make it the right way. I believe in a God who is flawless; who doesn't make ugly but perfect creations and among those beautiful perfect creations is the little girl with Tay Sachs or the man with Down Syndrome. I just want to see the day that everyone can see the beauty, wisdom, graciousness, and worth within those with developmental disabilities. 

 Geoff and I at the concert last night! He was loving every minute of it...We had a blast!

 Sorry Ben! He grabbed my hand...there was nothing I could do about it! :)

My Darling Boy and my Sweet Angel watching the Hockey game together! 

 She just loved him!

My friend Derek

This is Derek.

How much he would brighten my day in highschool was a huge factor in choosing the DSW program.

Most days we spent sitting and reading together or going through his math book.

After he watched the "Charlie bit me" video he would always say to me in an accent: "ouch Carli, you bit me!"

I found it funny everytime.

If he ever felt sick at school he would come to me just looking for some care. He was such a teddy bear.

I remember the day I officially decided this work was in my future. I had a terrible day and was standing outside my school holding back tears. Derek came up to me at that moment, just wanting to talk, just being his joyful, beautiful self...I was then fine. This is how I knew.

There is Bright to Be Seen: Story Three.

Today is a short story.

Just one moment last week.

One morning last week I walked into work, again trying to push past my tiredness and get the job done. I walked into the house and started getting the little girl I work with ready. After I put in her cochlear implant and hearing aid I went to say goodmorning to her…I bent over to her saying “hello” and sang her name to her over and over. I then watched her throw her head back with a big smile on her face that broke into laughter at the sound of my voice.  

             

   In a moment I was shaken back. 

    I love how her smile can do that.

There is Bright to Be Seen: Story Two.

  Last week one of my professors told me a story of when she was working with a little girl who had scoliosis so bad that her hip was permanently up at her ribs. The little girl could not say anything more than “yes and no”, so whenever the staff needed to know more than an answer to a yes or no question then she talked with a board. One night my Professor put the little girl to bed, but she kept hearing her stirring. She went in to see if she had forgotten something, and went through a list of things with her to see what she wanted…

“Do you need water?”
“No”

“Do you need to go to the bathroom?”
“No”
“But you want something?”

“Yes…”

“Another pillow?”
“No.”

And it continued on…finally she landed on what the little girl wanted; “her prayers.”

 So my professor went and got the little girls board and asked her what she wanted to pray for. 

"I want to thank God”  

“What do you want to thank God for?” my professor asked.


The little girl the then began to give her a list of everything imaginable from the home she lived in to rocks...

”Thank God for my mom, my dad, the sky, the home, the birds, the sun, the butterflies, the flowers…”

My prof said she learnt that day not to assume the quality of someone’s life.

The little girl was happy. She was thankful. She may have been in enormous physical pain; yet, she focused on all the little blessings in her life and couldn’t sleep until she thanked God for every single one of those little blessings. Again….Perspective. 

Thank you God for flowers in their intricate detailed beauty

Thank you God for placing a single tree in the middle of a field
& Thank you God for constantly reminding me these things are important to thank You for.

There is Bright to Be Seen

            It is said that your situation is unchangeable. You are where you are. The only thing that is changeable is your outlook; your perspective.

My dear Fiancé, bless his beautiful heart, the other night said to me (oh how I love these moments)...“Either you aren’t being fully real with me all the time or you are just the most joyous person…ever.” It got me thinking because I couldn’t immediately say which one was true. I began to analyze how I look at things and how I deal with the things around me. I was trying to see if I do hide those things that are hard to deal with or if I really am just simply content with them.
           I am not here to say which I figured out was true about myself; I am still not totally sure. It’s probably a balance in between the two, but that’s not what my goal in writing this was.

It was just that it got me thinking;
A positive perspective is one of the greatest virtues.

I see and work with people all the time that would seemingly have a nightmare of a life to those looking in. But I see moments of total bliss and true happiness ALL the time in them; even pure contentment.
So I decided for the next few days I would post a new story that has taught me about proper perspective. These moments seem to always come so timely when I have been working with people, I’ll feel a lack of peace or discontentment with something and then God gives me a holy slap in the face…

           The first story comes from when I recently had to look at the life of a middle aged man that was developmentally delayed and write a paper on his strengths for an assignment.
Something that stood out to me was this quote of his…“I like candles and lamps and light fixtures and sunshine and something bright to be seen in our world and street lights and everything.”

Something bright to be seen in our world. He may not have been able to do a lot of things for himself, he may never be able to do anything close to what we feel is a normal life, but he stopped in wonder at anything that had light and had a belief that there was something bright to be seen in our world.

Yesterday morning as I walked to work at five a.m. in the rain and dark, tired and cold and in a bad mood I suddenly had to stop and look at the Christmas lights on some of the houses. I smiled thinking of Carl and the joy he would have found in that moment.

I feel I am the luckiest person on earth for getting to be around people who have such an amazing perspective on things of life. It constantly shakes me awake to the beauty God has placed on Earth.

That beautiful perspective is in a moment with Geoff where we are watching Sharon, Lois and Bram on my laptop and he reaches over to hold my hand, or when I give him some yogurt and he spits out a “thank you” in between fits of giggles.

I think of the joy children find in bubbles and wish we could carry that throughout our life.

It’s all about focus.

Do you focus on the bad, the mundane, the ugly;

Or do you focus on the Beauty of God in the light fixture and the bubbles.

Jean Vanier once said......

“Can we reasonably have a dream, like Martin Luther King, of a world where people, whatever their race, religion, culture, abilities, or disabilities, whatever their education or economic situation, whatever their age or gender, can find a place and reveal their gifts? Can we hope for a society whose metaphor is not a pyramid but a body, and where each of us is a vital part in the harmony and function of the whole? I believe we can, because I believe that the aspiration for peace, communion, and universal love is greater and deeper in people than the need to win in the competition of life.”

Oh..this time of year again.

There is just something about this time of year;

Something that makes us feel like kids again

Something that almost allows us to believe in something magical

Something that allows half the world, whether they realize it or not, to celebrate the birth of our savior

It is such a beautiful time.

Worth the time? Yes.

We have to meet with the decorator soon.
This means I should put together a book of all my ideas.
This also means hours of wasted time...but is it really wasted ???
I'll conclude; not.

A few ideas....

I have a few ideas to add a bit of colour to the wedding...wonder what Ben will think?? :)


First I could wear this sash and the girls could wear the matching hair clips as either broaches or hair clips.. the woman on etsy makes them all herself!


The second idea...which could also be modified was to have the girls wear colour tights with either neutral or navy dresses....

At least my thoughts are going somewhere....Its progress....

I carry your heart.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in

my heart) i am never without it (anywhere

i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

                                  

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

 e.e. cummings 

The Beauty of a Child Like Mind

I have realized something that I have learned from working and volunteering with disabled people over the last few years. I often find there is so much I can learn from the people I work with, they contain something that most people sadly lose in life; they have a childlike hope and innocence when looking at life and most importantly - those that do - hold a simple faith and love for the Divine.

                I often find myself getting lost in ideas of life and all my personal theologies. I worry often about missing out on something or getting the wrong idea about who the Divine is and who He would want me to be. By monitoring everything I lose out on the simple moments of the Divines love for me. This is not the case for many I have worked with. Some people, I know, look at them and feel remorse or question God on the equal love He claims, but I don’t. I see a beautiful soul blessed with the wonder and beauty of a child’s mind. For a child, everything is simple. Doubt often hasn’t begun to creep up on them quite yet.

                I look at Geoff and see a strong and beautiful faith. He may not grasp the whole concept or many of the ideas; regardless, he loves those moments he can sit and listen to his Bible music for hours on end. What he knows to be true in that moment is the contentment and joy that he feels. He doesn’t worry about what he has or hasn’t done to please God and he doesn’t wallow on the mistakes he may have made along the way. He doesn’t even worry about the purpose of his life. He just rests in the presence he knows is there among those old hymns and children’s church Bible songs. To be able to have a simple pure belief in something like that seems magical; seems impossible.

                I started a job three weeks ago working with a little girl who has infantile refsum; she is blind, deaf and developmentally disabled. I have already fallen in love with her and the job. I also look at the little girl I work with; her understanding even less. Instead of Bible songs her playlist usually consists of The Beatles. Though she doesn’t live in a Christian home I’d like to believe that God reaches her too. In the morning the one thing she hears from her parents is “Goodmorning, mommy loves you ….Daddy loves you.”  God says he opens the eyes of the blind; every morning I see this beautiful little girl that can’t see a thing but I believe her eyes are opened to the Abba’s immense  and SIMPLE love through the love expressed by her earthly parents and hopefully in the moments I spend with her as well. I see so much of the grace and beauty of God in her smile. I have to laugh to myself when I hear her laughing out loud lying by herself in her room though she has no sight or sound to stimulate that laughter. I believe God is whispering His love for her in those moments; she may be laughing at the pure joy there is in knowing you are unconditionally loved or she may be laughing that we don’t all see it as simply as she does.

                I remember being at a worship concert and seeing a boy going all out in worship; the people leading from the front then asked the audience to hold hands amongst each other. I saw this boy look around for someone to hold his hand, but no one offered or was willing to. I walked over to this boy and asked if he would like to hold my hand; I then saw his face light up. For the next song I watched him crying out to God his head turned upwards his free hand in the air. I watched this boy’s simple faith and was amazed, and was jealous, and was inspired. This boy had down syndrome. This boy was beautiful.

                We could all learn a lot about life and who God is and the love He offers from the people we too often disregard as incompetent and who we expect to know little to nothing about God, Theology and life. Trust me; they are often some of the smartest people I know. 

Engagement photo update

It'll be a few more weeks until the pictures are all in; we got another sneak peek though!
Brittany Hildebrandt check her out!
http://brittanyhildebrandt.blogspot.com/

THE dress.

Bought my dress yesterday from With Love Bridal Boutique
withlovebridalboutique.ca

Add caption

Decorations

 Daisies.....of course!

 We are planning on getting Jones sodas!

Books and wild flowers = awesome centrepieces

Love typewriters,

Wildflowers....Love

 Ben and I have really liked the look of doors 

 

Pictures anywhere I can find to put them

Sweetest wedding videos

So I found these wedding videos at http://www.canavp.com/. I could watch them all day long- so cute listening to the bride and groom talk before hand. I now want to do something like this. So creative and sweet.

My Love

    I was flipping through my journal last night and came upon one of the first things I wrote about Ben and I:

Feb 7, 2011

   “ Tonight I have something I must express here. It is time for me to be honest, vulnerable and fear free, to say I am falling for Ben on a completely new level of intimacy, connection and care then I have yet to experience. He is the first person I would sacrifice all things of self for and to live in symbiotic movement with. He is beautiful and what we have shared and could share is simply and peacefully beautiful. I have never been so free in a faith and hope of something of the flesh; fear is just not present. It feels so ordained I dare not fight or doubt it. I haven’t tried to plan, motives have not been questioned, and thoughts of the pain it could cause have just been ignored. There is just a trust that God has it, even in the fragile state of age difference, distance and little time. There are no doubts about where it is going, because it is not us who are pushing it forward. To deny these feeling is to deny where God wants me; I feel.”

Looking through pictures with Geoff

Looking at pictures is a regular occurrence in our household.
Geoff just loves going through all the pictures and seeing all the people he holds dear;
The other day I found these two gems. I love the effects time has brought on the one of the boys with the cow and then the one of Geoff when he was younger just warms my heart- so sweet.

A few wedding dress ideas

Great cite for ideas: http://greenweddingshoes.com/

I love the bohemian style of dresses. I tried lace too and loved it.
decisions...decisions.

Our Wedding Photographer

http://www.threenailsphotography.com/#home/

  I am just a HUGE fan of Hunter's.
Before we were even engaged I was looking at his work.
We never thought it would ever happen to get him to come do our pictures seeing as they are from Louisiana, but it all fell into place.
The man is a pure artist and just amazing at what he does.
I feel so blessed and excited about it.
ps. the one photo is actually him shooting his OWN wedding. Love that.

Our Venue

Here are a few photos from our Venue that were just posted.

          We fell in love with this place and never looked back.It is a fairly new event destination but the team there seems awesome and so friendly.
                    http://stonefieldsheritagefarm.ca/

There are two options for the ceremony: around the barns or in front of the house... I think we are leaning towards the latter of the two.

                              Also, love the frames.

Engagement Shoot

Did a photo shoot with Brittany Hildebrandt the other day...http://www.brittanyhildebrandt.com/
She was awesome! We stressed about finding outfits, but it all came together in the end.
It was fun making him give me fashion shows.

Lake Isle of Innisfree

  I decided to make this blog as a tool to keep in contact with all those I love and to allow them to be a part of this extremely exciting next stage of my life as I am planning for my future. I will be posting wedding updates and ideas and other random life thoughts and updates as they come.

  I called the blog My Deep Heart's Core because it is the last line in a poem by William Yeats that has grown on me over time and become one of my favourites. It gives a beautiful picture of a man isolating himself in a place he loves surrounded by nature.. The poem is consumed with a sense of peace. Peace has seemed to be a major theme in my life in the last year as God has shown me to rest in His love and grace no matter the circumstances around me. I often find myself searching for answers to many lifes questions as though I will attain an indefinite answer, but often God says no. The challenge is being able to find peace and feel comfortable in solitude; to be able to sit in silence and not let the worthless, loveless and bitter thoughts that often builds walls between you and the Divine get in the way. Allow God to shatter those with his extravagant desire for you, His grace will swallow you and it will soon become impossible not to find a way to live it out and mold your life around it. Rest in Him in the deepest core of your heart.

"I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,

And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;

Nine bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honey bee,

An live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,

Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;

There midnight’s all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,

And evening full of the linnet’s wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day

I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;

While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavement gray,

I hear it in the deep heart’s core.”